Sikening

do stupid things, smart people outsmart each other. For those of you who missed the reference, go listen to the First "Sytem of A Down" album (Self-titled). Anyways, I decided to write a journal on Deviant Art, a site I'm rarely on, because it really is the only way I have any connections with some people. I've gotta say, I like coming on every other day to a mass amount of artistic nudes. How do you guys find the models willing to do it? I've been trying for a little while and nothing. Anyways, I've been talking to old friends, making up with people, and finding out new things about myself. For example: I no longer require sex or any sex

-KCK- (For those of you with no imagination, that was the sound people make when they play dead) I dunno. Right now I don't really feel well, physically or mentally. I'm in a relationship that I'm happy isn't going to end, but sometimes I think it would be better for her if it did. I'm not that great of a guy, let alone a good boyfriend. I'm always hurting the people I love and whatever. I'm also really selfish. I kinda wanna just sit and waste away at home right now. No work, no friends, no anything. But I know I wouldn't survive. I dunno. I made this cool picture today. It's somewhat depressing, but looks like the cover of  video game.

Yet another depressive journal, but that's all I have right now. Recently, Mel and I met up and got back together. We decided that the break up technically didn't happen, which is all fine and dandy. But then she told me her ex -- you know, the one who abused her, forced her into doing stuff she didn't want to and almost raped her I don't know how many times -- wants to get back together with her. I'm afraid she might actually go for it. And then there's the fact I hard nothing from her yesterday. I sent a couple emails and usually she replies at night or in the morning, but nothing. I'm scared. And I have to leave for a fucking eight hou